One of the quiet truths about coaching, and something clients don’t always talk about upfront, is the impact of past experiences. Over the years, I’ve had many new clients come to me with stories of coaching that didn’t work out. Not necessarily terrible experiences, just…. not quite right.  A disconnect in style, or a mismatch in approach. Sometimes, it’s subtle: a feeling that they weren’t seen or understood. Other times, it’s more direct, a coach who pushed too hard, asked questions that felt transactional, or simply didn’t listen in the way the client needed.

When coaching hasn’t worked in the past, there’s often hesitation about whether it’s worth trying again. That hesitation makes total sense because coaching is personal. You’re talking about real challenges, about identity, leadership, self-doubt, ambition, and pressure. If you don’t feel a connection, it can all fall a bit flat.

What I’ve come to believe is that fit really matters.

Credentials, experience, and a solid coaching approach absolutely matter too. You want someone who knows what they’re doing, but none of that can make up for a lack of connection. Coaching is, at its heart, a relationship, and like all meaningful relationships, it thrives on trust, chemistry, and a shared sense of how things get done.

That’s why I believe coaches have a responsibility to be honest about who they are, how they work, and who they’re best suited to support.

Many of my clients are drawn to me because of my strengths and values, things like thoughtfulness, calm, curiosity, and kindness. I’m upfront about who I am, and just as importantly, who I’m not. If you’re looking for a high-energy, tough-love coach who thrives on direct confrontation and fast-paced intensity, that’s not my style. And that’s absolutely fine, because there are excellent coaches out there who work in that way and are a great fit for the right clients.

But I work differently.  I work best with senior leaders who are smart, thoughtful, and capable, but who also want space to think, reflect, and be quietly challenged. A theme I notice time and again is that my clients want to work with someone kind. Corporate life can be tough; political, fast-paced, high stakes, where kindness can be a rare and welcome quality. Our conversations are thoughtful and focused, designed to spark new thinking rather than rush to solutions. I create a space that’s non-judgemental and fully confidential, where clients can bring what’s really going on, without needing to filter.

One of the things I always recommend when I first meet a prospective client is that you speak to a couple of other coaches for comparison. Chemistry is important, and it’s worth taking seriously. You should feel that this is someone you want to think with, someone who brings out your best thinking. If it turns out I’m not the right fit, that’s completely fine. It wasn’t meant to be (for either of us). And if it is the right fit, I trust you’ll find your way back.

I’m also very clear from the start about how I work. I set expectations around commitment, in-between session work, and the rhythm of our conversations. Coaching is client-led, but that doesn’t mean you do all the heavy lifting. It’s a partnership with structure and focus. The best work happens when we’re both all in.

Coaching can be incredibly powerful when the fit is right. It’s worth doing a bit of upfront thinking and research to find someone you trust, someone who gets you, challenges you in the right way, and feels like the kind of partner you want alongside you.

So, if you’re exploring coaching, whether it’s your first time or your fifth time, my advice is to look beyond the buzzwords. Ask yourself not just what kind of support you want, but how you want to be supported. Have an initial conversation and trust your instincts. It’s perfectly okay to keep looking until you find someone who feels like the right partner.

Because when you do, that’s where the real work, and the real growth begins.

If you’d like to find out about working with me, schedule an introduction by clicking on this link: https://appt.link/victoria-orr-coaching/consultation