I was recently asked to provide a response to the ‘Dear Jonathan’ reader letter in the Financial Times.  The reader explained a situation where their manager had lied about their performance when they had in fact been overperforming.  Despite presenting evidence to the manager and involving HR, the manager refused to change the review.  The reader resigned, engaged a solicitor, took the company to court and eventually won the case.  However, they stated, “The experience left me scarred and terrified it could happen again. How do I rebuild my confidence and what can I do differently to prevent a repeat of this?” *

My advice was featured in the article in a condensed, edited form; the complete version is shared below. 

When you’re trapped in a toxic work environment, it can be quite difficult to withstand all the negative energy. An incompetent leader can cause you to doubt your abilities, which can have a significant impact on your self-esteem. The positive that I would take out of this situation is the fact that you didn’t let it defeat you. You displayed tremendous courage and tenacity by hiring a solicitor, fighting for what you felt to be right, and ultimately winning your case. As a confidence coach, I would encourage you to take solace in the fact that you stood up for yourself and what matters to you.  

The important thing now is to avoid ending up in a cycle of negative emotions.  First and foremost, I would recommend embracing your strengths and values. Values, like a compass, help us live with direction and purpose. Our values can point us in the right direction and help us make decisions that work best for us.  Understanding your values can give you clarity in terms of how you see yourself, who you are and what you will and won’t stand for – this understanding is a real confidence booster. I would recommend taking the VIA values assessment, it’s a free, scientifically validated tool and will help you understand what is important to you and why https://www.viacharacter.org

Secondly, challenge that negative thinking! Consider finding a mentor or a coach and surround yourself with positive influences.  Spend some time reflecting on your successes; if it’s easier, write down significant achievements that you’ve had in your working life.  Think about what you actually did and how you made those achievements happen.  Looking back at our successes can be a good affirmation of our abilities.  Looking forward, do your homework. What do want to do next in your career? What do you look for in a manager? What are the type of companies that you want to work for and what type of culture do you thrive in? Take some time and do some research and remember that you are in the driving seat. The hiring process is very much a two-way street; it is just as important for you to find the right fit as it is for the company to recruit the ideal candidate. Your next move should work for you at every level. 

It’s perfectly natural to be left feeling shaken up after what you’ve been through. Workplace bullying and the stress of having to fight for your rights can have a significant impact on your mental health and well-being. So, my final piece of advice is to be kind to yourself, take some time to recover and accept what has happened. Working for a toxic boss can take its toll and self-care is important. Do something that makes you feel happy. When we’re happy, we perceive ourselves and the world around us in a more positive light, and this in turn enhances our confidence.

Unfortunately, office bullying is all too common, but on the plus side, you’ll grow into a more competent and thoughtful leader as a result of this experience. After all, you’ve learned some valuable lessons about how not to act in the workplace. 

* Quote reprinted with kind permission from the FT, publication date 27/12/22