How many of us struggle with setting boundaries and staying true to our own values? Setting boundaries is an important part of self-care and self-respect and requires a level of assertiveness.  This means remaining firm whether it applies to your availability, your level of responsibility or something you want to negotiate. 

When we learn to say “no,” we not only tackle our own fear of rejection, but we also educate others to respect our values and our time. Despite the significance of creating healthy boundaries, many women are fearful of appearing demanding or unpopular if they speak up for themselves or disagree with someone. So, why is that? One explanation is that women, particularly those from Generation X and Y, have been taught from a young age that it is our responsibility to be polite and accommodating, so we tend to prioritise the needs of others over our own.

How many times do you overburden yourself by agreeing to do something that you either don’t want to do, or simply don’t have time to do?  Isn’t it frustrating when you miss out on doing something that’s important to you because you’ve spread yourself too thinly? Missing out on things that make you happy, because you’ve agreed to work late, can result in feelings of resentment which is bad news for work and personal relationships and leads to stress and burn-out. Time to get more assertive!

First, let’s establish that being assertive is not the same as being aggressive.  Assertive communication is based on mutual respect whereas aggressive communication tends to come from a place of anger. Speaking assertively involves remaining calm, articulate, and confident. The good news is that everyone is capable of mastering assertiveness; the trick is knowing how.

Simply put, assertive communication is the positive expression of thoughts and opinions in a clear, concise, and direct manner. It’s about having open, honest dialogues whilst respecting other people’s ideas and beliefs. 

So, what are some simple ways to start setting boundaries? 

1. Prioritise your time based on your values.  If you can’t work late because you have a family event you want to go to, block out your calendar in advance.
2. Maintain open lines of communication with your boss and colleagues. People aren’t mind readers; if you don’t tell them you have to pick up the kids from school, how would they know?
3. Be willing to compromise – establish your non-negotiables while also understanding where you’re willing to be more flexible. A little give and take is a strong relationship tool.
4. Determine areas where you are not as productive as you would like. For example, if a co-worker wants to have a lengthy conversation every time they see you in the kitchen, try reminding them that, as much as you’d like to, you’re up against an important deadline.
5. Never apologise for saying no. Your limits, your rules. You don’t have to give a reason for saying no, and whether you agree to something or not is entirely up to you. Practice phrases such as, “Now isn’t a good time for me”, or “I’ve already committed to something else”.
6. Be nice but strong. The last thing you want to do is give someone false hope that you would reconsider. If you’re unclear, you risk being questioned again and having to repeat the process.
7. Setting boundaries can take some time to get used to. If you mean to say no but end up saying yes, don’t be too hard on yourself. It happens, but pause for a moment to consider what went wrong, learn from it, and try again.

When people push back against an unmanageable workload, I believe it sends a positive message. It’s an excellent approach to set a good example and inspire others to follow suit, which contributes to a supportive work environment.

So, starting today, if you don’t already do this, give yourself permission to set and reinforce boundaries. Create the space that you need, and you’ll avoid burnout, feel more productive and feel more fulfilled doing what works for YOU.